How to Stop Being a People Pleasing Pastor or Leader
Written by Ron Edmondson
After a post about people pleasing, I received the following email:
Ron,
Have just finished your blog post “7 Casualties of a People Pleaser in Leadership. “ I recognize I am a People Pleaser Pastor. How do I turn the tide on this? How do I stop? I am seeing tension mounting on the team. There is frustration on our staff and it is even spilling over to our spouses, and my vision has hit a brick wall. I really want to move away from this but I am finding it most difficult.
Signed,
One frustrated pastor
Criticism hurts, especially the non-constructive kind. We tend to stay away from such critics. But is that the wisest choice? Should we draw close to them instead of pulling away from them? In this post I explore the idea of not shunning your critics.
Biggest Mistakes Pastors Make on Sundays (and how to avoid them)
Written by Charles Stone
For pastors, Sunday can be the most draining day of the week. Intense people interaction, teaching or preaching, seeing our critics, trying to remember names, and attempting to put our own problems aside to listen to other peoples’ problems add up to a stress-filled day. The very day we want to be at our best requires more from us than any other day. As a result, we can easily make one or more of the 5 biggest mistakes pastors make on Sundays. Evaluate this list to find out how many you make. I follow the list with some suggestions on how to avoid them.
We are facing a new year? With the coming of a New Year we often consider New Year’s resolutions. That means change! (Or does it?) Change is hard to initiate.
Every leader at some time in his or her leadership will face multiple leadership lulls. We have a down Sunday. A new ministry doesn’t take off. Someone expresses disappointment in us or criticizes us. A seasonal program doesn’t bring as many new people as we expected. Sometimes those lulls can push us into a downward spiral from which it becomes difficult to pull out. Understanding what goes on in our brains offers insight on how to pull out of a leadership lull.
Recently I had car trouble. The wheel bearings on the front of our car went out. For weeks before the bearings went out, the car gave a “warning roar.” I thought the sound was coming from a bad tire or poor wheel alignment. However, while speaking with a mechanic he explained the roar was coming from worn wheel bearings. He explained that it was just a matter of time until we found ourselves sitting on the side of the highway in a broken down car. This was an occasion when I was pleased with the “warning roar.” The roar saved either my wife or me from an unexpected break down.
In recent weeks the Shepherds Connection published a series of articles on depression. Depression is often identified with feelings of hopelessness. Also, depression frequently causes a person to question the value of life. Questions such as, “Why am I doing this” float through the mind?
The past several weeks The Shepherd’s Connection has posted articles about depression. Depression is real, but there is hope beyond depression. In fact, there are a number of experiences (termination, burnout, conflict, even holidays, etc.) we face in ministry, which might be viewed as ministry killers. Many people see this with depression. That is absolutely not true.
Depression is real!!!! It can happen to anyone. In April of 2009 my primary care doctor discovered that I had a brain tumor. Through the guidance of my primary care doctor I ended up at a neurosurgeon in Shreveport, La.
More...
Three of the hardest words for a pastor to verbalize are the words, “I am Depressed.” These words are like cotton in the mouth. They are hard to verbalize.
Pastor, have you ever stopped to think of all the “stuff” your people have been through before you arrived. This “stuff” affects their church behavior and the extent to which they will follow/not follow you. Their behavior does not mean they are bad people. It means they are carrying a lot of “stuff” (baggage) that must be considered as you work with them.
While sorting through my mail today the first thing I noticed was Outreach magazine. This issue was devoted to the 100 Fastest-Growing Churches in America. This issue always intrigues me. The stories of these churches fascinate me. To read about churches running 20,000-25,000 in attendance is amazing. I marvel at these churches, their pastors, and the ministry they perform.
Pastors Who Lack Close Friends: 5 Reasons Why
Written by Charles StoneBarna Research discovered that 61% of pastors are lonely and have few close friends. The loneliest people in churches are often pastors. Why is this so?
The experts say that five key factors inhibit pastors from developing close friendships.
5 Ways to Increase Productivity - Hint: They Involve You!
Written by Tim PatrickI see part of my role as a senior leader as a developer of other leaders. In church terms, as much as I am called to make disciples, I am called to disciple disciple-makers.
I take this role seriously. I am consistently thinking how I can encourage people around me to be better at what they do. Several years ago, with another staff member - someone who once worked with me - mentioned my intentionality in developing leaders on his blog.
Here’s my theory on the subject.
The most powerful force in the world may not be the nuclear bomb or earthquakes or hurricanes. I’m convinced that words may be the most powerful force in the world. Words can bring comfort; they can bring hurt; they can bring unity; they can bring division. When used correctly, words are a powerful force to motivate people; they can also destroy. Some examples of the power of words are:
Patrick Henry stirred the spirits of the people of 13 colonies so that a motley crew beat Great Britain’s army: “Give me liberty or give me death.”
Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. The place where we built our home, two years ago, has a number of roots that play havoc with a lawn mower. I have been working diligently to remove these enemies. A few days ago I encountered some roots that got the best of me. I just walked away.
What would you think if you met a chef who would not eat his own cooking? What about a surgeon who would not commit his care to a young person he had trained? What about a builder who would not live in a house he constructed? What about a pastor who is not a worshipper?
Do you sometimes go home on Sundays feeling emotionally spent? Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, but it sure isn’t true for pastors. Take yesterday for instance. I administered a Sunday school at 9:00, drove to a speaking engagement and preached at 11:00, did a refresher course for Sunday school teachers at 5:00, and spoke for 45 minutes in a worship service last night. These activities were in addition to family activities and other responsibilities.
Several times in recent months, I have shared with you the lessons I’ve learned from our colt. This relationship is about to change since the colt is ready to be weaned from his mother, and will be leaving us soon. Please allow me one more story.
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